Musings on a Child's Mind
by xoxmitchiexox
Summary: Sheik muses on his feelings toward the Hero of Time, chastizing himself for feeling that way when he knows Link is still, mentally, a child, and when, in the end, he will lose Link to his reliving the seven years he lost. Yes. Sheik is his own person.


Can you imagine your whole existence depending on one person?

That one person was my everything. The very reason that I existed. Sure, as a Sheikah, I was bound to the Royal Family, to serve as Princess Zelda's guard when I grew old enough at her own request. I, however, held no suspicions as to why. It was an average thing to be requested of.

The outside world was convinced, and had been, for quite some time, that our race was dying out. It was completely untrue. We lived in secrecy, in the shadows, the way we preferred it. I was raised by my aunt, Impa, nursemaid to Zelda, until I was about eleven, when she left for these very duties. Upon request, Impa brought Zelda to the village, and when the princess met me, she decided that I would one day be her guard.

I, of course, did not take this very seriously. Her words held true, however, and three years later, when I was deemed strong enough, mentally and physically, I was sent to the princess.

Princess Zelda, however, is not the one whom I live my life for.

When I was eighteen, he awoke. The Hero of Time. While he had slept, the world began to fall apart. When he woke, the pieces began to fall back into place.

For the seven years that the Hero was dormant, the Princess hid herself in the secret Sheikah village. We had grown to be close friends, almost like siblings, and we formed a plan.

I would never allow her to go into the dangerous world until I knew it was safe. She knew this as well as I. She knew, as well, however, that a role had to be filled. The Hero would need a guide, and possibly, a watch, to ensure that he reached his every destination, and did so safely. So, I volunteered to be that guide. As soon as Zelda was needed, we would switch places, ensure the hero that it had, all along, been the princess.

I had miscalculated one thing. Missed a small little detail. Something I never could have foreseen when I made these promises to Zelda, my beloved friend.

I fell for the Hero.

Granted, this made my job of watching over him much less boring. It did, however, make it significantly more painful. I longed to reveal myself to him when I need not. To stay when my job was done. To be by his side as he slept. To take away his pain and suffering.

I owed my very existence to this boy. It was fate that I be his guide, and were he not to exist, I was certain I would not, either. I had encountered death so nearly so many times, surely this was not a job truly destined for the princess.

It was strange, to say the least. I had never expressed interest in either sex, always swearing off love because I felt, as a Sheikah and guard of the Princess of Hyrule, I had more important duties to worry about. That, and I felt nothing. No person ever attracted my attention. No matter how perfect the personality, no matter how striking the beauty. No male or female ever caught my eye.

When Zelda and I began to mature to the age where young people often began to steal glances at one another, she began making giggling remarks about girls looking my way. I never saw them. In fact, I never even looked. I would simply give Zelda a curious look and ask why. She would stare blankly at me, confused at the question.

After about a year of this, she finally grew tired of my ignorance.

"Because they think you're handsome, numbskull! Goddesses, _I_ would think you were handsome if I didn't find the idea utterly repulsive!" she yelled at me. I blinked. Repulsive? I felt like the remark should hurt, but it confused me. She then made a face, realizing how it sounded. "Well, I mean. . . obviously, you're _not_ repulsive, but I just couldn't imagine being attracted to you. You're my best friend."

I simply continued to stare at her. She stared back, probably because she expected me to say something. She obviously didn't expect what I _did_ say, though.

"Why would they stare at me because they find me attractive?"

The comment and my complete ignorance to all typical courtship procedures earned me a nice smack in the head. If she hadn't been so little, I might have yelled and asked what that was for. She was, however, a bit weak, so I merely grinned, and she, unable to resist, laughed and called me a numbskull again.

When I first saw the Hero, who was still reveling in his new form, I felt a flutter in my chest. His childlike curiosity made me smile behind my cowl before springing a twinge of sorrow. This boy had lost seven years of his life for a great destiny he never asked for. He would be forced, now, to grow up, and quickly, and defeat a great evil he had never before known. All while still being a ten-year-old on the inside, his only companion a fairy that did not really even belong to him.

Of course, I fought my feelings. At first, it was subconscious. I found myself smiling affectionately at him from a distance when he did something ridiculous, then I would roll my eyes, trying to play it off to myself as nothing. Then, intrusive thoughts began. _He is rather handsome_. . . I would think. _He will probably have the attention of all sorts of suitors, once he's saved Hyrule_. Which, of course, I had no doubt he would succeed in. Then, I would blink confusedly at my thoughts. Why did his looks matter, if he was to be a great hero? One need not be attractive to save their realm.

Finally, I realized my feelings and began arguing vehemently with myself about them. I had been watching him from afar, once again, smiling idly as I watched him have a playful argument with his fairy companion. I watched a smile grace his lips, and my mind wandered into territories I did not know. _I wonder what it would be like to-_ my eyes widened. I hadn't been about to think that. . . had I? Had I just been wondering what it'd be like to. . . to _kiss_ the Hero?

I noticed that I did not feel revulsion at the thought, which frightened me. I closed my eyes to shake the feelings, but all I could see was the Hero before me, raising a hand to place it gently on my cheek, scratchy from callused and overworked hands, a childlike innocence in his wide, clear, blue eyes, but with a slight impish mischievousness.

When I opened my eyes again, the Hero was curling up to sleep. After keeping watch for a while, I began to doze, tired from a long day of travel, and the only thing keeping me even mildly alert was the cold. My subconscious reminded me a source of warmth and tender affection was just a small distance away, but I shook my head, as though that would clear it of the bothersome thoughts.

After I realized I couldn't stop said thoughts, they came full force, exaggerating every detail I was growing to love about the Hero, reminding me every time I reached for a deku nut that the Hero would reach for me as I blinded him and fled.

Oh, how I longed to reach back. Throw the damned nut away and allow the green-clad boy to reach for me.

I grew to hate a part of myself for thinking corrupt thoughts of someone who, though very much a man on the outside, was still even more a child on the inside. I resisted my every urge, fought my every cursed thought, until the very end.

When the end was nigh, I sensed it. Knew that soon, the Hero would end his journey and move on to a new life, one that would not include me, the simple guardian. It was then, mere hours before his final battle, that I spoke with Zelda of what he had planned long ago.

"It's almost over, Sheik. You will confess to him who you. . . _are_, and then, I shall join him in battle," the princess told me, and I nodded solemnly, eyes to the floor. "Then, once the battle has ended, I will send him back," she added, and I looked at her with wide, questioning eyes, and she blinked, confused at my sudden change in demeanor. "He deserves a chance to be a child, Sheik," she reminded me, though I already knew well enough. When I said nothing, she studied me.

"You love him."

It was not a question. It did not need to be. She knew as well as I did. I refused to meet her eyes, and I heard her sigh - a painful, drawn-out exhale, and finally, I looked at her, only to find she had now decided on the floor as her newest interest.

"As do you." She looked at me, and I knew I was correct. "I. . . did not tell anyone. I was ashamed to love someone who was still a child. . . I feel as though. . . it destroys his innocence, somehow. It is not. . . why I did not tell you. I think. . . I always knew you would love him. I knew that, were fate to work in favor of either of us. . . he would choose you. . . so why allow myself the fantasy of. . . of. . ." I sighed, and Zelda, my closest friend, my only confident, put her hand gently on my shoulder, looking me in the eyes.

"He will grow up, Sheik. He will have a normal childhood, and whatever comes to pass shall," she said, and I gave her a small smile. My eyebrows knit together as I thought of something.

"Will he. . . remember anything?" I asked, and she frowned.

"I'm unsure. I suppose that is up to the goddesses. . . allow him to know his past greatness while the world, save for few, do not? Or allow him forget it all, blissfully unaware of his trials and the pain he has faced? No. . . I'm unsure. We shall see, I suppose," Zelda said, and both ideas filled me with fear. I did not wish him to grow and feel alienated, one of only a select group - who I imagined included Zelda and I - to remember what he endured. I did not wish him to forget me, either, though. The very thought dropped dead weight into my abdomen, filling me with dread.

I knew that, while she said that he was getting another chance at a normal life, I knew it was true for all of us. We would all be sent back seven years to relieve them, though, if all went as planned, much more peacefully, this time.

Eventually, I knew I had to accept that, whatever happened to the Hero, I could not help to influence it. So, we carried out the plan.

I met with the Hero in the Temple of Time, knowing painfully that it would be the last. I began my speech, ingrained in my head from all the nights I had spent awake, fearing nearby monsters for the Hero's sake, and therefore kept myself awake with trying to memorize and make believable what the princess wished me to say.

I raised my left hand, and I felt the switch about to take place. I looked into the Hero's eyes one last time, and everything came crashing down. I closed my eyes to stop the tears, and when I opened them, I was no longer in the temple. I was alone in Hyrule Field, out of the Hero's and Zelda's way when they would leave.

I fell to my knees, sobs racking my body. Strangely, I did not fear that the Hero would not escape the battle alive. I had watched him enough, knew him well enough to know that he would endure. My fears were all of his emotional state and mentality. I feared that I would lose what I never had - that he would awake seven years previous and never know who I was.

So, next to the mote, I cried. On all fours, exposed to any enemy who wished to harm me, tears splashing onto the grass and the backs of my hands, I wept. Sheikah pride and training aside, I wept profusely, uncaring to the world and what it might think of me.

Suddenly, I felt all the regret. Though he was young of mind, he surely would have understood. I could not tell him anything, I knew, because he had a journey to be made. But now, as soon as that journey ended, he would be sent back, possibly to forget every moment that we had ever shared.

It was then that I promised myself. . . promised him. . . that I would go and find him, one day. When his mind caught up with the rest of him. I would find him and tell him everything. If he rejected me, so be it. If he scorned me, I would live my life alone, just as I had always planned. I couldn't even consider him accepting me. It gave me hope I felt was beyond being simply false: it was a blissful lie that would break me in the end, if I allowed myself to believe it.

All that mattered to me was that, when the boy grew old enough to understand, I had to tell him. The idea flitted through my head once more - _what if he didn't remember?_ My worst fear. I knew I could not tell him, then, for he would never believe a word. So, I realized, it would come to this, and I refused to accept otherwise: If the Hero remembered his journey, I would tell him. I would tell him everything I had ever felt, and walk away, knowing he deserved to know and that I deserved to be able to at least get the burden off my chest. If the Hero forgot the events that took place, however, and forgot that I had ever existed. . . I would leave him with no more than a passing memory to look back on. He would never know who I truly was. Even if the simple idea of it broke my heart.

Wiping my tears, I sat on the grass and closed my eyes, accepting this fate. I would have to wait another seven long years for this Hero. Before, it had been for safety. Now, it was for closure. And strangely, I knew that he was worth it. I would endure those long years simply because I knew he waited at the end of them.

I stood, somehow knowing that the time had come. I closed my eyes and awaited the day that I would see my Hero again.

**I needed to write something like this. I'm not sure why, but it was calling me. Sooo, I did. Let me know what you think, good or bad. I'm kind of new at the whole Zelda fanfiction thing, so let me know if this is a total abomination or not. =P**

**Thanks for reading!**

**xoxmitchiexox**


End file.
